Defeating Imposter Syndrome in 3 Steps 

• STEP 1: Stop Putting People on Pedestals
• STEP 2: Have A Clear Vision of Your Success
• STEP 3: Prepare for the Moment

My palms are sweaty, my knees are weak, and my arms are heavy; and I can promise you, I do not look calm or ready. The vultures are circling. I’m about to tell you how I fight imposter syndrome (IS) every single day.  

Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a phony. For me, IS begins just before I walk into a room. I’m already thinking of the worst case scenarios and considering “Should I just go home?” This is usually followed by me asking myself, “Do I really belong here?” I pour through all the ways important people can give me Ela, ignore me, or find unique ways to tell me; I am not one of them. My conversation is awkward. My body movements are jerky. My eyes are racing around the room trying to see everything but not get caught looking. It is a sh!t show. 

If you’re waiting on someone to tell you how to avoid that feeling, wrong guy, wrong article. I feel this mental calamity on my heels daily. I stuttered halfway through high school and I was nearly thirty before I felt comfortable in my own skin. Some people have that thing… That magic… That “it” factor… But I want to talk to the rest of us. I want to speak to the easily distracted, the socially awkward, the overthinkers and the new kids on the block trying to find their crowd. 

For us, or maybe just me; imposter syndrome never truly leaves. But what I have learned is that I don’t have to participate in the downward spiral and rest in that negative space that screams “I am not enough.” As a matter of fact, I’ll sum up the article here. The core contributor to IS is that you’re hyper-focused on the best of someone else and the worst in you. Stop that. 

Below, I’m going to detail the tactics I have used in various situations to battle with IS and come out on the other side looking like a fully functioning human and a valuable contributor to the situation. And better yet, I’ll do it in three easy steps: 

STEP 1: Stop Putting People on Pedestals 

When you put someone on a pedestal you train your vision to focus on their success and highlights and you overlook the sacrifices it may have taken them to get there. What you’re engaging in at the moment is an unfair comparison of you to that person. Most people will only put their best foot forward. You’re looking at all their accomplishments, all their wins, and all the things in their possession that you wish you had. And on the other side of the equation is you, the person you know best in the world. You’re zeroed in on every relevant flaw, mistake, and blunder you’ve made while envisioning the ones yet to come. Stop that.

If you were truly able to see behind the veil of the person, you would find a human that breathes and bleeds just like you. When we see those we admire we often see the flash and forget the fire. We overlook those small character flaws. We’re too often blind to the pain that goes hand in hand with success. Tunnel vision for the goal makes us believe we’d give anything to be in that position not knowing that the cost is too often everything. Sometimes the juice isn’t worth the squeeze…

We deploy casual amnesia to the fact that the most talented artists are often the most tormented and traumatized people. We look past the depression, the loneliness, and the moral bankruptcy. We fail to observe the drug use, the divorces, the broken relationships, and all the things that make life near unbearable. We simply focus on the image, the swag, and the flexing. There is glitter in our eyes, “Dorime” is playing, and the rest is just background noise. 

You must stop believing that the one area a person shows expertise outweighs everything you are passionate about. Ronaldo (or Messi) being the greatest football player does not mean the things you are great at don’t matter. We do not have to be the fools that prove true the age old lessons on what happiness is made of. But just in case, I’ll provide some insight below: 

“I feel like I was a little bit happier two or three years ago when I had less money. I had less people who had opinions about my life. I felt like my life was mine. Now I feel like I don’t even own my life. I feel like the world owns me.” 

– Cardi B

“’Cause we put on this facade of success but yet behind the face there’s so much happening.” 

– Akon

STEP 2: Have A Clear Vision of Your Success

We spend so much time chasing the dream fed to us by society, our parents, and the media that we never took the time to realize we too can have an original dream. I never truly knew what I wanted to do with my life until I found a purpose bigger than myself. I went through a series of what everyone told me I should want and time after time they were wrong. I spent a decade trying to prove myself to everyone but myself. I never thought that if I applied that same energy to the things I loved that I could find happiness and more importantly success. 

People admire and are often jealous of people who find true love. You just can’t stop talking about it. We can be happy just looking at the object of our affections and in turn we learn it inside and out. We get the subtle nuances that casual fans seem to miss. When the opportunity presents itself and you have the floor; your eyes light up and the words flow thoughtlessly. In that moment you are that magical person in the room with a gravity that pulls the world to you. Most of us dream of that feeling but are paralyzed with fear when it’s time to grab it. Defeating IS starts with going after what you love.

I believe, not actively working towards your goals feeds the feelings of IS. Because you never fully dedicated the time to monetize YOUR knowledge base, YOUR passion, and YOUR strong points; you’re stuck witnessing the achievements of those who did. It is time now to build your own unique dream. Take into account those things that you are passionate about but also the relevant skills you have that you can turn into income. Of course you’ll have to do things to keep the lights on, but carve out a space for you. 

Dreaming itself is fun and envisioning that dream is one of the best activities you can engage in. But the part that defeats the feeling of IS is working towards that dream and recognizing your progress. Faith without works is dead. Build out your vision board and create your five year plan. Once you have a five year plan, consistently work on breaking it down into smaller and smaller pieces until you have daily tasks that equal up to the whole. Every day check something off the list that will make that dream a reality.

Dreams and love do not always meet us on our terms, but life is not a destination. It is a journey. A journey that includes building a better you and working towards goals that will make life more meaningful. Working towards the goals and doing something daily that brings you closer to home will build confidence you wouldn’t believe. When you do come face to face with your heroes; you can admire what they do but also know you too are a hero in the making. Focusing on that space and your own accomplishments positions you to identify opportunities and have meaningful conversations. Those you look up to will admire your hard work and consider you an asset if they are actually worthy of your appreciation. 

“The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight but no vision.” 

– Helen Keller

“A clear vision, backed by definite plans, gives you a tremendous feeling confidence and personal power” 

– Brian Tracy

“It Is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.” 

– Herman Melville

STEP 3: Prepare for the Moment

The items above are an amazing way to condition your mind and are powerful tools when going to war with IS. The last step in the “End Game” is preparation. Step 1 helps remove unnecessary distractions and Step 2 builds the infrastructure for successful interactions. However; Step 3 could easily be the fast forward button if you’re in a bind. 

I am an avid note taker; in fact I have google drives and other apps full of what I took away from my interactions with people. My reasoning is simple, if I should ever encounter these people again I can enter the conversation with prior knowledge and potential leverage. The person will know I took them seriously and will be more aware during any follow up conversation. However; the most important part of this exercise is how I take notes. 

There is a simple template I create before my meetings that captures the following: attendees, objectives, talking points, details from the call, and action items to complete when done. Creating and consistently using this template forces me to prepare before a call. This in turn positions me to lead the conversation where I want it to go.  

While preparing for the call there are a few things I focus on. I research the person I’m speaking with and jot down any items of interest that I can mention that would let the person know, I’m ready for you. If I’m going to ask someone for something during the call, this research also allows me to know what in my tool box may be of value to the person ensuring that we are speaking on an even platform. It is a value for value situation. I also write out what my key talking points are which help me offer a smoothly delivered conversation and ensure I don’t forget what was actually important to mention. 

Now, do not let me fool you. I am far from perfect. But I’m also far from the stuttering mess I used to be. When the pressure was on and I was in position to speak publicly or go for something important it was like my mind would flood with thoughts. While attempting to communicate my thoughts, I would also be overthinking every syllable leading to half sentences and broken words, followed by corrections, interrupted by comfort words that were supposed to give me time to think. The result was a jumbled mess of words and a misrepresentation of who I truly was and the message I was attempting to share. 

I didn’t stutter because I had a mental disability or a physical malformation. I was just unprepared and solely focused on what I thought everyone was thinking. Most people don’t crash and burn to the degree I did, but not preparing WILL ensure that you are less effective. Once I defeated stuttering, which was really a physical manifestation of IS; I applied that logic to meeting people and attending events. Once I learned that I was a computer that I could program; I started paying attention to ME and creating my own life hacks that were unique to me. Maybe they can help you too. I’ll add a small list of my preparation hacks below. 

When Attending Events: 

1. Realize that if you managed to get into the room, you belong in the room; whether it was your curiosity, your cleverness, or your determination you have arrived
2. Arrive early, learn the space, and make a friend with someone who may be waiting on someone else
3. Research the attendees, identify the VIPs / create your hitlist, and have talking points just in case
4. Bring a friend if possible, not everyone wants to adopt a stray dog…
5. Make sure you’re well positioned in the room and walk with purpose when going there; don’t look lost

When Speaking: 

1. Eighty percent of communication is body language so make sure you’re reading bodies when you’re reading the room
2. Know when to walk away, sometimes for dramatic effect
3. Create opportunities for people to talk to you by asking questions, seeking an opinion, or making the targeted person the topic of conversation
4. They say it takes reading something 15 times to become a permanent memory, so create your talking points and practice
5. Pin those shoulders back, approach with that million dollar smile, give a firm handshake, and drop that packaged statement you’ve been practicing in the mirror. Own the moment. It’s yours. 

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure

– Colin Powell

“If you really look closely, most overnight successes took a long time.”

– Steve Jobs

In summary, being the best version of yourself is the key to overcoming imposter syndrome. I hope this helps you in your journey to seizing the moment.